7 things you don’t have to do at your wedding (and a few ideas for doing things differently)

There’s a lot of old school tradition with weddings. But there are so few legal elements to a ceremony and so much scope to do exactly whatever you want - so don’t let the idea of ‘that’s how things are done’ hold you back.

Your dad doesn’t have to walk you down the aisle. This might be something you want to do with your dad, and that’s totally OK! But there are so many other options to consider:

• Your mum could

• Both your parents could

• Some other significant friend or family member could

• You could walk in together with your partner

• You could have no “entrance” at all - a big vibe is having drinks BEFORE the ceremony with all your friends and family, and then at a certain point, you grab your celebrant (that’s me) and say - let’s do this, and then we herd everyone over to do the ceremony, together!

Photo credit: Lizette Nelspruit

You don’t need to have a bridal party. For lots of reasons, choosing a bridal party and dealing with everything that comes with having one can be a lot of stress. Who’s in/who’s out? Who will my maid of honour or best man be? What will they wear? Who pays for the dresses/suits, the hair, the make up? How much are all these bouquets going to cost? ARGH! I love a bridal party, but I’m also a firm believer that the ceremony is about you and your partner and it can be just as easy not to have one. That’s why I have a soft spot for ceremonies where there’s no one up front but you and your partner (and me of course)! This doesn’t mean you can’t still have a great little pre-party with your best friends and family, get ready together and do all those other fun things that bridal parties do. It just means that for the ceremony, there’s less to organise from a logistics perspective, less cost and more time to focus on what’s really important.

Photo Credit: Sean McDonald

You don’t need to have readings or poems during your ceremony. Lots of people think this is something they need to do, and it can be a great way to involve a family member or friend in the ceremony. If readings are something you do want, make sure the person you ask is comfortable doing this and get them to choose a piece that resonates for them (and that you like, obviously) - or it’ll just feel forced. And don’t be afraid to just make the decision not have readings. As your celebrant, it’s my job to make sure the ceremony is entertaining and heartfelt in its own right, so having your guests sit back and enjoy the ride is also a great option.

You don’t have to do personalised vows. If you feel like you want to do personal vows, but you just feel nervous about it, I’d say push through that feeling and be confident that you’ll feel a lot less anxious when the time actually comes. Lots of people say after the wedding that they expected to be much more anxious during the ceremony than they ended up being. So, don’t let the natural jitters hold you back from expressing yourself on the day. But perhaps you’ve got a feeling that doing personalised vows just isn’t for you. And as is the common theme in this post - that is OK! It’s my job to make sure the ceremony says enough about you, without you necessarily needing to do the talking. Another option is to take a moment with your partner to say your vows to each other privately, or exchange written vows.

“It’s my job to make sure the ceremony says enough about you, without you necessarily needing to do the talking.”

You don’t have to choose your witnesses beforehand. Like choosing a bridal party, some people find choosing witnesses tricky. I actually really rate the witness lottery! This can work in a couple of ways:

• you draw two names out of a hat right before we sign the certificates; or

• at the start of the ceremony, everyone gets a card - most of them will say ‘no’ on the inside, but two of them will say ‘yes’ - and those are your witnesses for the legal certificates!

  It is a really fun moment for everyone when the witnesses are revealed!

You don’t need acoustic music for the ceremony. I love hearing a beautiful singer and some acoustic tunes. But I also love hearing your favourite songs during the ceremony performed by the bands who made them great - and cranking the volume on my PA system for a big finish song to declare you officially married is one of my favourite things to do!

You don’t need to do all your photos right after the ceremony. What this practically means is that you’ll need to do some photos with your partner, the bridal party (if you’re having one) and family before the ceremony. While it means the first time your partner sees you isn’t at the ceremony, there are still lots of options for doing some ‘first look’ photos before the ceremony. Ticking off some photos before the ceremony just maximises the time you have to enjoy the party with your guests, and you can of course still sneak off for some sunset photos with your partner later in the evening!