Wedding Speech 101: a practical guide

How to deliver a great speech that people will remember - for the right reasons!

Photo credit: Nick Skinner

As a wedding MC (and having been a guest at a number of weddings), I’ve seen a fair number of reception speeches - why do they often go so wrong?! The most common issues: too long, inappropriate content or a speech that isn’t focused enough on the couple (being too focused on the speaker and their relationship with the member of the couple they’re connected with).

While we can’t expect our friends and family to be professional speechwriters overnight, there are some easy ways to keep things on the right track. With that in mind, here are a few practical tips to send your chosen speakers as they put pen to paper.

LENGTH. First things first - keep it short and sweet. Guests have a very short attention span at weddings and they’ll love you if you keep your speech to about 5 minutes long. Of course, I’ve heard some excellent speeches that have been longer than this, but as a general rule, the shorter the better.

STRUCTURE. For speeches, I like to follow the 70/20/10 method: 70% fun, light, story-based*, 20% sweet and sincere, 10% toast and cheers to the future. As to the actual content, there’s no one way of doing it - but here’s a basic framework that follows the 70/20/10 structure that will keep guests’ attention and ensure the couple is at the centre of the story.

THE FIRST 70%

Introduction. Introduce yourself and explain your connection to the couple - let’s say for the purposes of this example, you met Jess in high school and she’s just married her partner, James.

Short framing narrative. The central focus of your speech should be on the couple. However, a great way to give context is to give a short summary of what things were like before they met. Chronological narratives are also easiest for guests to follow and make for a satisfying ‘story’ feel. So, take a look back - what were you and Jess up to in the ‘early days’ - and are there a couple of anecdotes that can connect your audience with a time and place? For example, if you’ve just mentioned that you and Jess met in high school, this could be something along the lines of: ‘this was back in the Nokia 3210 days - so we spent a lot of time playing Snake 1 in the schoolyard.’ People love a speech they can connect with, so if you can take a couple of opportunities to inject some nostalgia, this will go a long way to getting everyone on board for the rest of your speech.

Partner enters stage right. You’ve set the scene - now it’s time to explain how James came into Jess’ life. How did they meet? Do you remember her first impressions of him? Any funny early dating stories*?

Getting serious. When did you realise things were getting serious for Jess and James? This is your step change into the next 20% (sweet and sincere) - transitioning from the fun stuff through to something a little more serious.

THE NEXT 20%

What we love about them. Here’s the part where you tell your guests what’s great about Jess and James and why they’re a great fit for each other. You’ve kept it light up until now, so it’s time to speak from the heart and tie it together in a way that’s meaningful.

THE FINAL 10%

Cheers to the future. You’ve made everyone laugh, then cry - now it’s time to wrap it up with a toast. Wish them all the best and say cheers to what will be a great celebration!

*Stories. Stories are an important building block of any speech, but it’s very important to choose the right ones for the context you’re in. In short, if you’re already wondering if the story is too rogue, then it probably is. To be clear - your speech doesn’t have to be boring or restricted - but you’ll get no points for embarrassing the couple or offending people. The best thing to do if you’re not sure is run your speech by a friend for a sense check before you get on the mic.

“In short, if you’re already wondering if the story is too rogue, then it probably is. To be clear - your speech doesn’t have to be boring or restricted - but you’ll get no points for embarrassing the couple or offending people.”

At the end of the day, remember that you’re just there to say a few kind words and wish the couple all the best. Being entertaining is a bonus - but there is such a thing as going too far. It is far better to err on the side of caution than to risk your speech being remembered for all the wrong reasons.

Rule of thumb: anything overtly sexual is, generally speaking, a no-no (and definitely don’t describe the act of horses mating during your wedding speech - which yes, is a real thing that happened at a wedding I was at!)

In conclusion - have fun, don’t overthink it and keep it simple. And if you’re not sure, practice in front of a friend before the big day!